Clothes Encounters of the Miniature Kind

In case I haven't revealed this self fact, I, like my mother, hail from the land of the Lollipop Guild (if you don't catch the reference, Netflix the Judy Garland version of Wizard of Oz). Of course, my mother insists I was stunted by my suboptimal consumption of milk as a child- who knew dairy is a growth hormone? Nevertheless, my diminiutive state has a few perks- case in point, size 6-7 boys t-shirts come in nifty Lego colors for one fourth the price of their grownup counterparts. But, I also have to spend a small fortune for nips and tucks of the tailoring kind. Granted, the true stylists will proffer that custom fitting is an absolute requirement for a "pulled together" look. My oversized finds meet their salvation at an Upper East Side shop by the name of Genius Tailor (couldn't make that up). It's the love child of a quirky Turk whom I simply call "Genius". I have yet to stump him- cashmere, lycra, leather belts, elastic belts, stretch knits. His custom suits and coats look like they were born in an Italian fashion house. That said, he does not come cheap.

And then, every once in a blue moon (read: roughly one in every one hundred real/virtual shopping trips), I find a designer who is a size double zero kindred spirit. Okay, so people such as ourselves do not receive much sympathy, but it's as difficult for us to find properly proportioned clothes as it is for the plus size ladies. So without further ado, for all the Mini Me's out there, here are some designers, aside from The Children's Place,you can rely on to build your wardrobe. Vanessa de Milo, a new designer, is being showcased at Searle with a collection of elegant cocktail dresses- apparently her size 6 is the fit model equivalent of a size 2. I swooned for the pictured LBD- corset bodice juxtaposed with soft draping.

Pieces commissioned by the Searle company also tend to run small. Rachel Pally's dance inspired stretch cotton dresses (found online on Shopbop, Couture Candy, company website) drape so intuitively that bodies of all lengths and proportions are flattered. Body conscious Missoni stretch knits, like other Italian and French labels, are cut for slimmer figures. Finally, the focus of my fashion passion, the key to Cinderella's happily ever after... shoes! Rene Caovilla's extravagantly bejeweled hand made Venetian masterpieces, along with the creations of my betrothed, Jimmy Choo, fit my size 5.5's from all angles. Christian Louboutin, Manolo Blahnik, and Kate Spade cater to the narrow footed. However, forget about Prada, Gucci and Dolce and Gabbana- no one in the company apparently has less than size 7 feet.

A Better Looking Use of the Bandage

Although New Yorkers tend to surrender the city to tourists in Birkenstocks and Bermuda shorts in the hot and sticky summer, those who are city bound try to keep entertained by throwing fabulous parties. Last weekend, I was invited to one such shindig at a spacious Soho loft. Of course, an event is always legitimate justification for new designer duds. After all, I had to represent the LittleShoeLady brand- and t-shirt and jeans would not be the ideal billboard outfit. I found THE DRESS at the Soho outpost of Intermix, repository of all things feminine and of the moment. It is one of those iconic designs that celebrates the curves of the female form- the Herve Leger Bandage Dress. The name says it all- a spandex version of the mummy wrap. It is currently undergoing a revival and it seems you can't open a celebrity rag without seeing some model or actress sporting one of its many incarnations. Where to buy- Intermix, as well as its website, Net-a-porter, and of course, the eponymous meatpacking district boutique. I chose the bright purple version for its eyepopping color, and allright, the fact that it was 60% off original price. Word to the wise: if you plan to chew on more than the ice in your cocktail, keep yourself sleek with a Spanx (the modern world's equivalent of the whale bone corset). In a room of chic and attractive city girls, the look is guaranteed to catch the eye of any person(s) of interest, because let's face it, you can't see intelligence and character from across the room.

Glam it up with Red Carpet sparkly sandals or play it down with more downtown heels such as these Miu Miu slingbacks.

Sex and the City- Celluloid Heaven

So it took me a few weeks after the premiere, but I finally saw the big screen quencher to my long Sex and the City dry spell. Of course, like any true SATC groupie, I came out ridiculously overdressed for a night out in a dark room where every person's attention is on the screen in front of them. Out came the first Manolos I purchased in the big city, a stone embellished masterpiece disguised as 3-1/2 inch stilletos, carefully preserved in the original, deceptively plain black and white box. I've only worn them once as I can only fight back the tears of pain for a blister short of an hour. But just as Job brokered his piece of real estate in Christian heaven by enduring years of suffering, perhaps I too am earning my way to the endless walk-in closet in the sky. My favorite moment was, what else, when Carrie opens the (double) doors to the closet that Mr. Big built for her. A collective orgasmic gasp slipped from the mouths of every woman (and let's face it, some anatomically male New Yorkers). Its glowing beauty choked me up far beyond my first viewing of the Mona Lisa at the Louvre or the corniest holiday Hallmark commercial.

All this brought back memories of my very own SATC moment. Confess, what woman has not casted her own group of friends as one of the main characters in the event HBO decided to produce the reality version of the show. Anyhow, I was leaving work, teetering my way to the F train in an Italian wood heeled piece acquired from Chuckies on the Upper East Side (by the way, they carry less published but very edgy European labels). At the corner of 63rd and 3rd Ave., a gentleman approached me and effusively lauded me on my fashionable footwear and obvious sense of style. He then offered to take me shopping for even more shoes. For just a flash, I contemplated taking him up on his offer. What if this was my cosmic reward for years of shuffling in Payless shoes? Although he looked to be a Wall Street type, well heeled in a tailored suit and carrying a rich dark leather briefcase, his level of enthusiasm was a foot ( clever pun intended) over this side of normal- here was a man with a fetish. So I hesitantly declined. Of course, to invoke Newton's third law of motion, "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction." So, as a balance to this moment of feminine glory, I offer a series of unfortunate events. While I was creating my profile for this www page of superficial rants, I decided it to share a picture of the "Will work for shoes" t-shirt (see bio). I had my buddy take a picture, sans identifying features, which I then attempted to post. For some some reason, there was a glitch. So, I cashed in on one of my lifelines and phoned a friend for help- the initimable V. I attached the file to email and awaited a reply. She wrote back with the solution- my buddy, who is relatively technology challenged, had taken a video snippet instead of a still photo. As requested, he did leave out identifying headshots, but inadvertently included a below the equator shot of my red, black polka-dotted underthings. And thus, I came an upload error short of exposing myself to my online readers, who for now are only composed of friends and family. Mr. Newton's laws continue to govern in the modern world.

Some last words: this time of year does not offer a real dearth of sample sales, but here are a few that are worth checking out, an edited list from my multiple shopping tip sites:

LaRok sample sale - very rock'n roll sexy, form conscious
8/5/2008-8/7/2008
Tue 8am-8pm Wed-Thu 10am-8pm
145 West 18th St (btwn 6th & 7th Aves.)New York, NY 10011
(212) 388-0339

Armani Exchange- Urban Outfitters with a slightly larger bank account, metal and glitter heavy
8/9/2008
Sat 9:30am-3pm While supplies last
125 Enterprise Ave. SouthSecaucus, NJ 07094
(201) 348-3343
Cash only

ABS - Designer knockoff dresses and gowns up to 75% off retail + Designer denims
8/6/2008- 8/10/2008
Wed-Sun 11am-7pm
129 Prince St.(btwn Wooster & W. Broadway) New York, NY

Red Carpet Manolos

Below is the photo of my last big find, or as my fearless shopping companion V calls them, the "Red Carpet" shoes. What's more, they were 50% off the original price. Okay, so that's 50% off of $1000, but this is wearable art. Can you really price a Gaugin or Van Gogh? By the way, this little treasure was excavated from the racks of Barney's the second week of July, which is when they typically make their final markdown for spring lines (shopping tip #1!). Barney's tip #2- you'll find a better selection and items are in better condition at the main store on the last week of the season sales, than at the warehouse sale, with the exception of men's clothing. However, my most pilgrimaged house of worship is on 57th and Fifth Ave- that's Bergdorf Goodman if you have to ask (and if you did have to ask, you're meditating on the wrong blog). I can't bring myself to reveal the best time to save your dime at BG's yet, for fear of competition from the other 3 million female competitors in NYC. Women at shoe sales are a true Darwinian experience- only the fittest survive.

Back to my story- I call V my shopping companion and not partner, as she has the most admirable sense of retail self control. Picture us at the Jimmy Choo boutique: Abigail, the most infectious shoe-natic sales rep, fast at work charging up my plastic passport to consumerism, turns to V and asks if she can show her something. V stoically sits with her hands in her lap and replies simply, "No, I have to go [home] this year"- apparently, 600 hundred dollar shoes are not in that budget. V buys her shoes for 15 dollars and has not once bought a garment nor shoe on any of our outings. I, on the other hand, will eat Cup O'Noodles for 2 months for the perfect pair of Jimmy Choo strappy sandals. Actually, before I was more financially endowed, I really did live off dried fried noodles, peanut M&Ms and Doritos for fashion. What's the old saying about sacrificing for one's art? I believe every female pride (that's a National Geographic reference) has someone like V to balance the irrational spenders such as myself. She's the yin to my yang in the shopping universe.